Quarters in the Jar

To snark, it will cost you a quarter...unless it's true.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

What's grosser than gross?

"When you open your refrigerator, and your rump roast farts at you," said our former pastor's wife once. Hilarious. But, I can do you one better because what happened to me trumps anything anyone can tell. Ever. Even farting rump roasts.

It was after school and I had sent all my darlings on their merry way to enjoy the wonderful weather we are having (I propose classrooms with retractable ceilings). I made my 3:15 dart to the bathroom. I said dart because I have been drinking a lot of water, and still holding it for pretty much the whole day. It's funny how the constant activity makes me forget that I even have to go, at all. If I was on a roadtrip we would have stopped roughly 45 minutes after the first bottle of water (critiquing the driver does not compare to wrangling 24 students). Anywho, I did the fastwalk to the bathroom (the one that is still fast, but doesn't jiggle your bladder).

That's when the most gross/perplexing thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire career occurred. I went to pull the toilet paper, and there were poop streaks on it. At first I was all, "EW! EW! EW!" My next thought was, "How did someone wipe and get it back on the roll so neatly?" Then I looked at it again and it just didn't add up. So what do I do? Dummy me looks into the toilet paper dispenser, only to discover someone had put a turd inside the toilet paper roll holder. I think I screamed, but I'm not sure because I have a little blank spot in my memory from the whole situation.

Needless to say, I am equally disgusted by and mad at the child (hopefully) for 1.) vandalising the school and 2.) giving me one more thing to put on my list of "Things I Can't Unsee."


At December 28, 2011 at 10:31 AM , Blogger Mrs. S. said...

You are HILARIOUS! Thanks for the good medicine!


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